I don't know who reads this anymore (probably no one) but I just wanted to weigh in a little in the off chance that anyone's interested.

This year has been nothing but ups and downs. I finally picked my two majors (English and Spanish) only to realize that if I major in Spanish I wouldn't graduate on time (54 credits for a degree, for me), so I quickly made it a minor, along with French. That doesn't seem to bode well either so I'm just going to take French for elective credits and see where it takes me. The language-obsession that I found in this stage of my life is driving me nuts because all of the sudden I'm finding that I'm way behind, and that if I want to do anything with these languages I'm going to have to get better at them a lot faster. Talk about pressure.

Last night I went to a panel discussion on careers that utilize foreign language skills. Previous to this panel I wanted to do Interpreter work, but it appears that I'm going to be stuck doing mediocre Translation, if I even get into that. What is going to most likely be the case is that I'll end up becoming a language teacher, which was my back-up plan anyway . . . but if I have to be a teacher, I want to go to Europe and do it. Of course, it's going to be hard if I teach English to foreign students, but I hope I can do it someday.

It just sucks feeling like your opportunities are crushed even before you start. I have to struggle to make Spanish and French part of my everyday life, because 1) I've never been very good at communication skills, and 2) I'm not gifted with a knack for language, which some of my friends disagree with me on, but believe you me, it doesn't come easily to me; I'm constantly fighting for it.

Next spring I'm going to Spain,so next semester I've got a block of 7 college classes to look forward to because I'm behind on Gen eds and finishing off my English major. All of my English professors have been guilt tripping me about the Honors program, but right now my head feels like it's going to explode. How am I supposed to fit English Honors on top of everything else I'm supposed to be doing? I've got my Spanish, French, and English components, but isn't it enough that I'm going to Spain and doing an English internship next year?

I don't want to think about grad school but it seems like at least one person is yapping about it every day.

I've pretty much snapped. :)

My name is Sarah. I go to the University at Albany, but I don't fit in. I never fit in anywhere, so it's okay. Most days, I would rather stay inside and read or surf the internet than have to deal with the pains of living in our modern day society. Online, you can ignore things all too easily. You get a distorted view of reality, and you tend to lose yourself in a host of things.

Most days I stumble around in a haze, get lost in little details and never resurface. I don't feel part of anything, and that's the problem. Maybe I feel like a part of nothing, and maybe that's then something. It's not a grand something, but a reason to go on living.

My feet drag when I walk down academic halls with large capitals, staring at their towering might, but I feel no academic thrill. I read, I digest, I spill my brain of thought through words I expend from a pen tip and get a pat on the head from the teacher. The rest of the time I am silent or stumble with my tongue on my lips trying to grasp something that isn't there; that's the whole point it's there, to be discussed.

If you can talk something into existence, no wonder I can't create.

Blank slate.